Faithful

God is so so faithful.

I can't believe that a week ago I was sat here at this very computer freaking out over a chapter of my dissertation.

I can't believe that this time 6 days ago I emailed my dissertation to my supervisor.

I can't believe that this time 5 days ago I got it printed and bound so I could have a copy to remind me of the 'fun' I had completing it.

Since those days have gone I've been learning a little of what it is to enjoy myself. Friday night was my leaving party for Starbucks, saturday was Coxy's wedding reception and a reunion for all the sport and coaching kids among us again. Sunday I went to church in the morning and the evening was bliss, sitting in a sunkissed garden with pimms and salad in hand, chatting to Chelsea. Monday I went to work and then chilled all afternoon. Tuesday was spent having a quiet day of relaxation and book reading too before wednesday.

Wednesday was beautiful! I saw my family - my lovely brother, sister-in-law and nephew and it was joyous! I love going to theirs, they only live about 40 mins away and it's great!!! We went for cake and tea, bought Jenny's flowers and then chilled at home. Jonathan has grown so so much and it's mad!!!

Then in the evening I cruised over to Marlow in my littel car to have supper at Jenny's (our head of department at uni) which was totally lovely, and then due to being 100% wiped out, crashed there for the evening before heading back to Oxford. It was really strange going to hers knowing we're no longer her students any more. I didn't like it - change it weird!!

Then on thursday after coming back from Jenny's at silly o'clock in the morning I went back to bed for a nap, waking up at about 10, ready to go and deliver Mark's thank you present by 11. Again, another really strange moment in my life where I realised just how much this uni has meant to me over the past 3 years and how influential some of these lecturers have been. They are a constant source of support and I'm completely overwhelmed at the prospect of not being in that department, in that uni for the next year of my life. They have been incredible through the ups and the downs - the illness, loss of friends, car accidents, more illness - just incredibly loving and supportive people who sometimes remind you of how great you can be even when you doubt it! It just seems so final even though I'm sure dropping by will happen eventually as I'm still in Oxford but leaving those offices for 'the last time', I got genuinely emotional!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't like it - noticing a theme?

So now it's time to get ready for my last ever shift at Starbucks and then begin on packing up my entire house to move out. I genuinely hate change so flinging all the constants into one finishing pot may not have been my best idea but here goes for nothing. Wish me luck, pray for me please as I move into the new and try and relax with some proper down time before I go on to do S.O.M. I know god will be faithful again to help me through the crazy life I am trying to lead and I hope He helps me to learn what it is to 'relax' again - I think it's been a few years to say the least!

More of an update heading your way soon!

Love, Dizi x

Finished!

Just in case any people in the world read this, I've finished my dissertation and have handed it in. How do I feel? Weird, odd, bemused and confused by what I'm supposed to do now. I have plans set out in front of me but I have a short period of time to reflect on what I've been up to these past 3 years and marvel at their completion.

Oh and I have to wait and find out what classification I get and if I am going to be allowed to graduate this year ....

For now though I plan to sleep and chill a bit for a few days before going back to work!

Dizi x

Dissertating, contemplating, wondering, dreaming, struggling

So I'm in the midst of my dissertation and it's so boring! I need mass amounts of wisdom and would appreciate your prayers for that. It's going ok but I'm pretty stressed out about it at this present time. I hate deadlines and the ongoing feeling that I've not done enough work or that I've let myself down - drives me crazy!

Also I feel that my last post (the long one - my second last actually I think) made me out to be a bit too clued up on life, for the record -I'm not! I'm currently screaming inside about 10,000 things and to be honest (don't tell anyone hey) I can't even face praying about it right now. I'm in that place of blinkers on and ignore the world. Most of this angst is a direct result of my dissertation deadline date looming.

Because of this I have very little time to do anything else except type that up but I ask that if you visit this site - please pray! I have a few thousands words to write this week and the overwhelming feeling it will never get done but right now am also ridiculously peaceful and chilled out about it all - this will disappear again I am sure, as it did last night at church!!

I'd really appreciate your support and prayers right now to keep me encouraged and I'll be back with you on 29th July fully if not before in a short update version.

Dizi x

Songs - I love these ones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJnoBbueEc0&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLS0Y40WwlA&feature=related

Going through a bit of a Martina McBride phase at the moment.

Love Dizi x

7/7 - London - My generation

Yesterday was 7/7 whether you write it in the american or the english way and I realised that it is 3 years since 52 innocent people were killed by the terror attack on London.

It still seems like yesterday. I was working in the golf club and had sky TV on to pass the time as it was a VERY quiet day - all of a sudden there was an interruption saying what had happened on a news 24 bulletin and the panic of the people you know in London being safe began. I was lucky that day - there were few people who I knew that worked or were in those areas of London as the bombs went off but my prayers these past couple of days in particular have been with the other families and friends who lost someone dear to them that day for no reason.

As Christians we seek to find understanding and reasoning behind what happens and to be honest this is one of those situations that just cannot be explained in my eyes at least. At the time you question it - now I really do but not why did they do it but Lord what was the intention of all of this? I don't get it and yes your word says you have a plan for everything and you know what is going to happen before we do and why but that is still what resounds in my mind and I'm sure many others - WHY?

As the 18th young person of my generation was killed in London this week in a violent death I call out to you God and hear your cry to bring peace amongst the city of London, to stop hateful crimes amongst humanity and to learn to show the love of our God in the deepest way we possibly can. Lord I commit myself to pray for London, for the government, for the leaders of all the influential groups involved with the teenage gang cultures, for the pastors and ministers trying to find you in all of this and lead within the mourning, the anger and the grief - I'm praying Lord, I'm praying for your city.

This generation that I'm a part of seems to be so messed up, so unable to see the path written out in front of them and I'm beginning to be stirred more than ever before to really show His love and passion for their lives. I want to see this generation and the next knowing Jesus not just on a level of 'Yeah God exists' but 'I know the Lord, He is my Father, the one whom keeps me sustained in my life and is the author of it all'. I suppose reading this it's a bit like - "Ok Diz you go off on one because life must be pretty easy if you think that God can just do this and it's all ok."

I don't think it - I know it. Life's not easy - I struggle - Often.

Great things happen to me but also bad. Right now I'm praying for friends; who don't know Jesus, who are drifting, who have a sadness in their lives, who are sick, who have lost a child - friends I know deeply and friends I hardly know but friends nonetheless. So before thinking I'm all clued up and it's ok or that you have to be all clued up to know Him think again. God loves us when we shower him with praise and when we shout at Him in disgust - he loves us. He welcomes you whether you feel near or far and he WANTS to know you because he knows you already whether you believe it or not.

If you want a perspective of my God in my life right now there's a song I'm lost in right now and it's called 'You are my hiding place' by Selah. Listen to it - it's awesome! (I'm also reading a blog by Angie - Todd from Selah's wife - Inspirational if you have a chance - Bring The Rain - it's in my sidebar.

Hiding Place by Selah

You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You

I will trust in You
Let the weak say
I am strong
In the strength of the Lord

You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You

I will trust in You
Let the weak say I am strong
In the strength of the Lord
I will trust in You

When I'm far from strong there is one who makes me so - for this I will eternally be thankful and never will I be deserving of such love.

The next year of my life looks to be the most challenging as yet as I seek to find the purpose of my God on my life whilst serving and learning in the 'School of Ministry' (S.O.M) at a church in Oxford. A thriving church that means I get to be involved in the next generation, trying in His way to show the love and mercy of God to them and help them encounter Him for themselves. It's gonna be exciting and I'm starting to get a bit of what I need to raise for it by the grace of God.

Also to end I have a few thanks to pass out and they are kept in secret but meant with all my heart. The support and love I have received for this means the world to me and reminds of what a fantastic God we have!!

Have a blessed time, chat soon,

Dizi x